The Wrap - Up.....

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…”

I know God is always driving my car, but sometimes I just want to steer myself because it seems He might be lost, but our precious Lord does not need a GPS, his plans for me were made long before I was ever born.  AND….For this part of my journey, my mission trip to Africa is coming to an abrupt end, due to my ongoing deteriorating heart condition.

Teacher training; I informed all 14 Schools!!! plus 5 parent groups. Whew! This is a typical classroom.

So let’s get personal, what is really going on here.  Well it all started fifteen years ago when I was 35, in perfect physical condition, when I suffered a life threatening seizure at work, completely out of the blue. I was rushed to the hospital, then airlifted to Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center where I spent two long weeks while they studied me. I was told I would most likely need a heart transplant within ten years.  With no other answers, I was sent home with some new medication to help control how my heart beats.  Apparently I have an electrical problem that presents heart arrhythmia's. My heart muscle is very strong, and the veins and arteries are clear. Two years later, signs of slight progression were seen so they implanted a computer device, a defibrillator and a pace maker, in my chest that would pace my heart, should I need that service, and also bring me back to life should my heart go into fibrillation…Shock Therapy…Now let’s talk about what this really means. You know the feeling you get when your car is sliding out of control, on the icy road and you see the snow bank just ahead you, and you get ready for the hit; or the feeling you get when you are riding your bike or your motorcycle and you hit that patch of dirt and you know you are going down; or the feeling you get when you are zipping along on your skateboard, you hit a rock and are thrown off the board, that sinking feeling that hits you just before you hit the ground. Or how about the feeling you get when you are in labor, and you know the next contraction is coming and it is totally out of your control; or the feeling you get when you are skiing and you hit that patch of ice, your skis come out from under you and you simply wait for the hard, icy ground to connect with you; that sinking feeling, that the inevitable is going to happen, and you can not do anything about it….no positive thoughts, no prayers, or anything else will change the outcome at that moment. You simply pray for your safety, that you come out alive and well.  That is the feeling I live with on a daily basis.  When I am medicated and doing well, much like remission from cancer, all is well, but over time, when my heart acts up, my body comes unglued. During those times, I go see the doctor and he usually increases my medication or gives me a new computer..however, just before and after I am getting my “tune-up,”,  I simply have to wait for that dreadful, unpredictable shock, until my body gets back in balance.  Over the last five years, I have been defibrillated five different times.  I thank God for his plans for me, as He keeps me here on Earth every day.  This “shock” feels as if a WWF wrestler has just pounded me as hard as he could, with his fist, on my chest, knocking me down. From inside my chest, a huge bang occurs, and a loud “Ugh” involuntarily comes out of my mouth.  When it is done, I open my eyes and pray I see something familiar. This is a very scary way to live. However, I have far surpassed the ten year mark by five years, and every day is a blessing for me...

Moses and Courtni from Eastside Christian Church in CA

I am sharing this very intimate story, my testimony,  because I know that are many people who are struggling with issues in their life.  If we Let Go, and Let God, we can be free from worry.  However, Let Go and Let God does not mean sit on the sidelines in victim mode waiting for blessings to shower upon us; we must continue to do our part, pray, read the bible daily, share with other Christians, and serve. And I still do whatever is humanly possible to stay healthy.  And I do not think negative thoughts.  And I live every day as if it were my last. I am not looking for any pity.  I am fine, just as I am. We are all children of God and we were made in his eyes.   

A church friend sent me this quote from 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 –

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in difficulties, in hardships, in persecutions. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

In my weakness, I am strong and I give God all the glory for speaking to me in the quiet, and encouraging me to follow up on my vision, allowing me to fly alone, to a third world country and spend 2.5 months instilling renewed hope and knowledge to many people. I have accomplished my goal, although I am cutting my stay short, I have made many deep friendships and God willing, I will be back. This I know.