Violated.....

Violated….

Violated…

Well, it finally happened.  Let me preface it with I am unharmed and safe, in my temporary home in Africa, sitting at my computer, safely locked in, behind the large, locked, gate, at the driveway entrance, behind the locked doors of the house.  The guard dogs are kept in a cage all day, and when it is time to go to bed, someone (I am not sure who) lets the dogs out of their cages to roam inside the property at night.  Sometimes, they bark so much at night they wake me up.  I have only seen one of the dogs once, there are three watch dogs. I have been in Nairobi for two months, and I venture out into the slums at least three times per week, we often need to wait on the side of the street to “jump” on a Matutu, to get to the next school.  Then we walk into the Area where the school is located, through the school gate with the guard, and head to the school office. The small children walk them selves to and from school daily. I am careful, always with 1-3 Kenyans, my hands are empty, my cell phone is hidden deep in my pocket, no purse, no hand bag, we walk with a purpose, steadily, and quickly, watching all around us. But today was different.

            Myself and one other Kenyan staff slowly walked toward the main road to wait for our Matatu, but we would have to wait for our friend. She was coming. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day.  So we stood at the corner of the intersection, together. It is a very busy place.  Many people were roaming around, some waiting for the bus, some getting on or off, vendors selling their items, glue sniffing kids begging for food, homeless kids wandering around, and Matatu’s picking up and dropping people off, slowing down and speeding up.  I am used to many eyes watching me. But today, I could see a young man eyeing me in a different way.  It seemed like he wanted to see what he could steal.  I laid my arm over my pocket where my cell phone was tightly tucked away and crossed my hands in front of me.  I turned away as he brushed past my shoulder.  The Kenyan staff was very keen on him to.  We waited.  Trying to stay calm and brave is a very difficult thing to do when you are raked with fear.  So many things could happen out here.  Even in the most difficult of situations, I know God is in control. But the devil is very busy. We had placed ourselves so only one side of me was open to the street. As I was convincing myself everything was ok, suddenly from behind my left shoulder, a right hand whipped in front of my face, grabbing the necklace I was wearing around my neck. He yanked hard, the necklace was broke free from my neck, and the two thugs calmly walked away, looking back over their shoulder as if to say, “Ha, we did it”….they were arrogant and defiant.  I was stunned.  I just stood there, like a statue, looking at them walk away, I wanted to run after them and start screaming, but I simply turned to look at everyone else who saw it, no one moved or spoke. The Kenyan staff with me was devastated.  She apologized and I said it was not her fault.  I reached up to take off my costume jewelry earrings for fear my ears might be ripped if someone tried to get the earrings.  One of the Kenyan vendors said take it all off, and pointed to my bracelet. I told him it was a medical ID bracelet and it does not come off…..We walked back and waited for our friend.  They spoke in Kswahli.  They were very sorry it happened.  Then, as if nothing had happened, we went right back the same spot, to get on a Matatu, to go to the staff training we had scheduled for the day.  As I rode that Matatu, my bravery suddenly turned to cowardess and I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes. I felt so violated, my neck felt like it was scratched. I saw the whole thing happen again and again, they were so fast. So direct. So deliberate. Kenyans truly believe that all Americans have lots of money.  It could have been worse, they could have pushed me down, emptied my pockets, stole my shoes and anything else that is removable.  It was just a necklace, but that was not the point. Then my mind started racing, as tears slowly rolled down my cheeks…What in the world am I doing here; living in a culture that struggles to survive on a daily basis, walking through areas where homeless children roam aimlessly for years, until they start sniffing glue to numb the pain, babies cry out for the mother they do not have, children play in the black sewer water that runs down the middle of the Area, pregnant woman carry huge loads on their head or buckets of water, vendors sell food with flies buzzing around, people are starving, sick, begging, dieing, daily.  And  I think one lone soul can make a difference………

             Thankfully, I was in the front seat of the Matatu, so my colleagues could not see my face, for I was ashamed I could not hold back the tears.  The bus stopped and we were hurrying off….I wiped  away those tears and proceeded to the staff training.  I got the feeling that crying is not done in public here because as we were preparing for the staff training, eating lunch, one of the American interns asked me if I was ok…that opened the flood gates as I could not lie about it. I was not OK.  I still had not processed the incident.  I could tell my almost uncontrolled emotions were making the Kenyans uneasy.  Once again, I choked back the tears and we proceeded to perform two great trainings that day. 

At first thought, I said maybe I should give up and go home early.  Just get on an airplane and leave all this behind.  I have done all I could do here.  But then that small, quiet voice spoke to me, always so clam and convincing.  I am   doing His work, and you know what,  I am making a difference, and we will persevere through this. 

In every success, there are stumbling blocks, and hurdles we must jump.  Nothing is ever easy, But with God at my side, it sure does make those hard time easier. “I refuse to allow fear or a lack of Faith to keep me from walking victoriously in all You have for me” (2006, Omartian, A Book of Prayer). 

Now that I have had time to process, I know some good that will come from this incident. And I will continue my work until the very end.

Prayer (2006, Omartian) :

Heavenly Father, I worship You as my Lord and King. I praise You that You are all knowing and can see the end from the beginning. That You uphold all things by Your power. That You hold my life in Your hand. That You see my past and future. I lift up to You all that I am and offer my life to You. Make me an instrument through which Your will is accomplished on earth.  Use what I have for Your glory.  Lift me up to see things from your perspective, and help me to rise above my limitations.  I don’t want to limit what You can do in me and through me because I do not have an adequate vision of what Your heart desires to accomplish.

2 Thessalonians 1:11 - Therefore, we also pray always for you that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfill all the good pleasure of His goodness and the work of faith with power.